Are You There, God? It's Me, Marja

SO! My total loss is 56.2lbs. Freaking amazing right? My body looks better than it has in 5 years (I can't stop caressing my own collarbones, they're so pretty now!), and everyone is noticing the change-- including ladies who knew me before and who were (and still are) heavy like I was. I feel vaguely guilty, so I make sure not to gloat, but at the same time, I want to encourage everyone to feel good about themselves, and I want them to be able to make the changes that I have. You see, (and I know I've said it before, but--) we are addicted to feeling like crap. Be it to alcohol, drugs, processed foods, our own laziness or apathy, whatever! For some reason we just can't help ourselves, so we continue whatever cycle we're used to.

Now, I say that I feel "vaguely guilty" because I feel like I shouldn't feel so good in front of someone who is probably at least a little envious of my success (and believe me, I would be too). This brings me to one of my points, one of the things I've learned on this journey, which is:

THE IMPORTANCE OF POSITIVITY

I feel like so many of us are trapped in this mindset that positive people are dumb. Positive people are stupid; look at our poets, our writers, our rockers. Angst makes art, but I don't think it necessarily makes for a happy life. And really, how many of us are poets, writers, or rockers who should be sacrificing our happiness for a sonnet, novel, or album? Probably very few. But yet we sabotage our happiness simply because we don't want to be that positive person. Positive people are annoying. They don't get it.

I am a completely different person from the Marja of May 2011, which is about when I finally decided to start putting in the effort that was needed, and finally started seeing the scale drop. I had quit drinking for a while (which was good, I was drinking every night and my tolerance was getting high, not to mention I'd occasionally black out) and decided to quit smoking (I was a closet smoker for quite some time). I started taking walks to start feeling better and make sure that I would stay off the smokes. I was unhappy, I was depressed, I thought, Why me?

Seriously folks, taking control of your life is all you need. Too many of us have too many expectations in life, which is why I think so many of us are unsatisfied and our unhappiness continues on. We're not millionaires, so life isn't worth living, at least to the fullest in our situation. It's not worth it to take control of our lives because we think that what we want is impossible. But if we don't take control of our lives, we can't change our lives. That's the deal here. And if we don't stay positive and have faith, we're setting ourselves up for pretty brutal failure (which we're fine with because we don't want life to be great because we don't want to be that jerk positive person who comes over for coffee and refuses to complain about anything!!!) which brings me to my next point:

THE IMPORTANCE OF FAITH

I get tired of people bashing religion. I know there are some awful people out there that do bad things for organized religion, but I think faith itself is essential to living a fulfilled life. And any motivational book out there will tell you that in order to realize your dreams, you need to acknowledge that there is a higher power. You can name it Buddha, God, Mother Nature, whatever, but you need to have faith that the universe is in an order and that you can use it to your advantage. For me, God is a being that rewards positivity with more positivity. (And what's so bad about living a life that's good for the whole world?) The more people I treat right, the more I treat myself right, the more I simply enjoy taking walks, cooking and eating healthy food that makes me feel good, the more God will let me feel these things and take that wonderful experience out of them. I say, Thank you God for letting me see how beautiful the world is! 

Even recently, when there was a 36-hour power outage and my husband and I were worried about saving thousands of dollars worth of food; God will get us through, I told him, and I believed it. You see, if you have faith, then you are allowing the option of something good to happen, if that makes sense. I don't go to church every Sunday, I don't quote scripture, but I worship the universe, or God, or Buddha, or Mother Nature, in my own way. I take all of the good things I can get out of the world and use them to fuel my own positivity and faith. 


It's hard to cultivate faith (although they say it's God who "allows you to have faith," which is a pretty cool thought), and it's hard to cultivate positivity, especially when you're in that limbo of trying and not seeing results. You need to have faith. I mean, I think back to 50lbs ago, when I did the math and thought, if I lose 1 pound a week, I can lose ___, did I really think I was going to do it? I don't know! But I did it, and as I kept feeling better, or at least not feeling worse, and I knew that I would have to see results or at least keep feeling better, and my faith increased, my positivity increased. Sure I have stress, I get sad sometimes, or down on myself a little. But, with me in control, my life is going to be a happy one. It already is.

Them Rules cont'd.

5. BEING AWARE OF SATIATION

Satiation is being satisfied, of course, and it's important when you're trying to lose weight and when you're trying to maintain it. Along with rule no. 2 (that's portioning, of course!), being aware of when you're full is incredibly vital. Have you ever noticed that you feel full about halfway through your meal... but you continue to eat anyway? Why do we do that? We're not going to starve --chances are we're going to be around food at home, at work, everywhere-- but so many of us act on impulses ingrained in our minds and bodies to continue to eat when we're full and to eat when we only think we're hungry.

In Clueless, Cher's eating lunch and says something like, "When I cut it up into tiny pieces I actually lose weight" or something. While the classic 90's flick isn't particularly filled with helpful advice (OR MAYBE IT IS? ANOTHER BLOG, ANOTHER TIME), I think she's onto something. Being aware of satiation isn't just about knowing when you're filling up, it's about taking your time with your food. I know when I want to get back on weight-loss track that I can't eat sandwiches or burritos (or pretty much whatever you eat with your hands), and not even because of the bread or flour. Why? I SNORT it. Many of us do. It cannot get into my belly fast enough. That's why it's called "inhaling." Using a fork and knife forces me to eat at a table, and it forces me to take the time to cut something, even if it's just broccoli, and bring it into my mouth. Stretching the act of eating out may help those who eat too many calories too fast, and let's face it, that's all too many of us.

Being aware of satiation is also being aware of the practicality of our meal or snack choices. Most of us are unaware of exactly how bad our eating habits are, not to mention why we eat what we eat. Many of us eat emotionally, some of us just plain like food, and addicts usually partake in both types of grub-gettin'. Do we want that deep fried food because it's fast? Cheap? Tasty? What about our happiness?! That cheeseburger and shake will make us happy; not only are they both delicious, but we had a terrible day at work and we're nervous about a promotion and we're nervous about our husband's job and... etc. Now we're satisfying a problem with food that food had absolutely no responsibility to satisfy in the first place. That peg won't fit there, not to mention the anxiety of acting like this will start to take its toll on our health... if it hasn't already. 

The thing about food is that it's become the only thing we feel we have control over, and I think that's why we're not exactly jumping to try juice fasts or vegetarian diets, or for some families, eat home-made meals daily. We're living in the moment, and food is not only a form of entertainment nowadays (I think of one of my favorite TV shows, Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives), it's our favorite form of entertainment. After all, food is always there, reliable; we know that we need to eat in order to survive. So eat, drink, and be merry! (Never mind if we die tomorrow of coronary it was because of our friends on the menu at Outback Steakhouse, Chili's, McDonald's, etc.)

Another part of satiation: Most of us were raised thinking we have to eat 3 meals a day, breakfast, lunch, and dinner-- no matter how big or small any of those meals are. If you eat a lunch that's over 1,700 calories, chances are you could skip dinner and still be okay. Instead of eating a number of smaller meals over the course of the day (a concept I'm currently working on), we eat our 3 meals. Even if we laid around the house all day, doing next to nothing, burning almost no calories, we'd probably still be eating those three meals. Now, I'm not encouraging anyone to stop eating, in fact, we want to have food in our stomach because we need our metabolism working. All I'm saying is be mindful of your body, think, Do I need that many calories? How many have I expended today? Chances are, if you ask yourself that question, you'll give yourself the right answer. 

NOTE: SOMETHING THAT'S HELPING ME
Something that's been helping me is the idea of eating only enough to be full for the next couple hours. Of course, I live where I work, I have an entirely different schedule than most of you reading this. You might be in a meeting that lasts longer than you thought it would, the grocery store was packed and it took an extra 45 minutes just to get out, etc. You start getting really hungry, and the next thing you know, you're eating something awful for you. I know the feeling, like, your mind is completely cloudy because you're so hungry! A suggestion: have a few back-up snacks on hand. Have a few different snack and meal choices that are always fast, easy to make, and satisfy you. Have a game plan. (Sometimes I plan lunch as I'm eating breakfast; as I make lunch I usually think, "If I get hungry later, I can eat _________." And it helps a lot.) Maybe an apple and rice cakes in your bag, keeping stuff to make PB &Js handy in your kitchen, stuff you can go to that will actually reinforce your good behavior. Because, honestly, the mental backlash of disappointment in myself lasts waaaay longer than those extra calories.

Food's purpose has always been to keep us alive, and not much more. So, just try, for me, to eat what will keep you going until your next meal. And if that salad isn't going to satisfy you for more than 2 hours, guess what? Have a piece of fruit, munch on some veggies, have a slice of whole-grain bread with a little peanut butter, have something, anything that will only keep you satisfied for around a couple hours. And have a basic idea of what your next meal is going to be like. If you eat like that, you're probably on the right track. It's better to pick at food and burn it off than eat a whole bunch and mess up your metabolism, mind, and your belly.

It's not meant to entertain you, and I promise you, eating fresh fruit and vegetables and whole grains can be just as delicious as that bloomin' onion... well, you don't want it to be just as delicious-- you'll have to work a lot harder at burning it off! You can learn to love anything, and you can make anything into a workable challenge for yourself. 

PERSONAL UPDATE:
I've lost almost 5 pounds in 8 days. = ) The meal plan I showed you in the previous blog is the basic skeleton: I have oatmeal with fruit for breakfast, for lunch I usually have a huge salad loaded with veggies and either beans or canned tuna and a little bunch of grapes to satisfy my sweet tooth. Dinner was stir-fried marinated tofu with zucchini and wild rice until I used up all the tofu. My hubby bought me three different kinds of rice cakes, and those turn out to be a great snack because even if I wanted to eat a ton of them, my jaw would probably fall off... The caramel corn ones make a good dessert (even if they're pretty processed. You just can't win 'em all!) on a night you don't want a big treat.

Yesterday I was eyeing the "Deluxe Shells with Cheese" for lunch and then for dinner. I told myself it wasn't all that bad for me, if I split the box with my husband it would be a little over 200 calories and about 7g fat. But I would have felt really, really disappointed with myself, especially since I now have about 14lbs till my goal weight and I don't want to mess with my success until I'm there. Anyway, I thought, Why do I want this so much? Because it has noodles? Because it's cheesy? Because it's saucy? Because it's hot? I narrowed it down to the sauce and the noodles. So I made whole wheat noodles with marinara sauce, steamed some broccoli to bulk it up (I wanted to be nice and FULL!), I had some cannelli beans so I threw those in to bulk it up further, and I wanted some cheese but settled for some chopped marinated artichoke hearts and plenty of fresh-cracked pepper. And some grapes again. And I was satisfied! Food monster caged!