Okay, so the last time I updated was October 16th and I was -56.2lbs. Today I am -59lbs, which is FANTASTIC. Luckily, the weather here in the mid-west hasn't been that bad, I've been taking the pooch out for walks. (Every walk, I feel, could be the last one!)
Where to start???!
What I've been doing since July is take my weight every morning and write it down in a little journal I have, along with a few motivating thoughts. I have weigh-in periods that consist of about 3.5 weeks, and I note not only how much I lost in that period, but how much I lost per week. I was doing great until about the time I started this blog, in fact, it was why I started this blog. The numbers were daunting; the scale would barely move and barely move and barely move and go down a little and every once in a while it would go up. And lately I've been feeling completely unmotivated and bummed out. And then I realized I need to kick myself in the ass and go back to boot camp. No snacks! No bread! No alcohol! JUST SAY NO!
I haven't had a chance to listen to very many of them, but on one of Jillian Michaels' podcasts, she talked about something you know about if you lost or are losing weight: Plateaus.
A plateau is a mountain that's super tall and flat on top and you can walk across it and all of the sudden you fall off of it because there's no peak and you've been walking so long across it that you've forgotten you even climbed up it and then YOU PLUMMET TO YOUR DEATH.
In health terms, it means you couldn't move that scale if you jumped on it, and Miss Jillian believes that it doesn't exist. She says losing weight is about calories in, and calories out, and if you aren't losing weight... basically, you're not trying hard enough. Which is true. Currently, or at least up until yesterday, I wasn't trying hard enough. The most difficult thing is that you feel like you deserve to eat these things, or what harm could they do?, but in the end, for me, at least, they do physical and mental harm.
Again!!!! (I mean again, "This happened before, but I let it happen again!, Again!!!!"), I've been eating bread and sleeping in and drinking too much coffee and just letting myself skip meals and eat bigger portions. It's not like I've been eating pizza, or doughnuts! Actually, I've been an vegetarian for about a month (right now, the only animal product I consume are eggs), so you can guess that I'm not eating toooo terribly but I feel like for me, at least, it's a chain reaction. Back to bread, back to snacks; my hand reaches for things and they're in my mouth before I can even protest, back to the addicted to feeling like crap deal. And yet when I started this blog, when I had to recharge, I made the realization that I need to discipline myself in order to stay mentally healthy too.
It's weird; you know when you can tell that someone's mad at you? Even if you have no idea why, but you can just tell? Because they don't talk to you and they avoid eye contact? I do that to myself. Myself! It's just like when I was numbing myself out when I was heavy-- it happens when I don't discipline myself. (It's almost like my mind is saying to my body "If you're not going to take care of you, I'm not going to take care of you.")
So not only was I not losing weight as quickly as I could, I wasn't mentally in a good place. It's really frustrating to have done so well, to have lost this much weight, to have 10 POUNDS LEFT TO LOSE! and to still have those feelings of confusion and (sorry to sound melodramatic) hopelessness. I'm still trying to figure out how to make time for everything in life, trying to figure out what's going to motivate me to stay on top and keep me going.
Hopefully I'll be able to write more, motivate you, motivate me, et cetera. Cheers folks!
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