Back Again... From Outer Space

Oh my goodness it's been a while since I updated. Let me tell you how my year went.. 

Face got better... Noticed I had gained more weight than I was comfortable carrying. Last December I got up to 165 which is a bit too much for me, I didn't feel myself. I tried to eat better but it was hard with no real guidelines. 

Downloading the free app myfitnesspal has been the game changer! It keeps tabs on my calories, I can add my exercise, and since I started at the end of May, I have lost close to 20 pounds. I'm finally under 145 which I haven't been in at least a couple years. 

We got YMCA memberships last month and that has been really exciting too. I am really starting to see changes in my body and it feels good that my hard work is paying off! And my face is clear too ;)

My current goal is about 135. I still have a lot of toning to do so I just have to keep doing what I'm doing! Feeling good!

Why I Can't Be A Vegetarian (Right Now), Why Labels Are Unfair, And WhyWe Should All Be Happiest

 Well friends, it's been almost two years since I've eaten meat, anything that might have contained meat, anything sittin' by meat et cetera.... until today. 

The past few months have been a struggle. Honestly, the last year has been rough. I've been irritable, notably depressed (with complete loss of energy, awful suicidal/worthless feelings, etc.), and so frustrated with my energy levels that I even convinced myself that maybe I don't want a life with the rock of a person who has been by my side for 8 years, my husband for 5. I have been craving meat for a while and really thought I would go for the rest of my life without eating it. I even plan on raising my future children with as few animal products and byproducts as possible (well, that's still true.)

But this evening, as I sat with the Handsomest Hubs in the world, in the darling downtown restaurant 136, I couldn't stop staring at his New York Strip. It was pristinely pan fried with a peppercorn crust, a mushroom cream sauce, garnished with mashed rutabaga and buttered haricots verts. My own vegetable risotto was delicious, the risotto tasted -almost magically- of caramelized onions, with bright green asparagus, roasted mushrooms, with crumbled bleu cheese and a balsamic reduction glaze AND I COULDN'T STOP STARING AT HIS PLATE. 

My husband has been urging me to try meat again (well, urging isn't the right way to put it... pressure-less encouragement, and only for my own health), since I have been vocal about craving it, though never thought I could actually bring myself to eat it. 

Tonight -we were out for our 5th wedding anniversary- it was a perfect ceremony to celebrate each other. My vegetarianism, I know, has made me exclude myself in many ways, including in our relationship, and especially in our restaurant. Since I don't eat meat I don't really have the desire to experiment with different entrees and such. But, though my husband was supportive from the get-go, he has seen my unhappiness grow with each day I seem to be malnourished and unhappy.

                            * * *

WHY I AM MALNOURISHED:


When I was eating miniscule amounts of animal protein, no processed carbs, and copious veggies, I was weightless, and I had energy abounding. Since going vegetarian I have gained about 10 pounds and it's really hard to get back down, and honestly, I am simply not trying hard enough to stay healthy. It's my fault. I'm eating a lot of garbage, and it's hard to stop. That's why I'm thinking I should start all over again. 

There's a really messed up notion of vegetarianism where (similar to "gluten-free") people think because it's excluding something it means it's healthy... I have fallen prey to thinking that since I don't eat meat, what I eat is never that bad for me. Like I have a free pass or something. We at the restaurant are in the busiest part of our busy season and I am simply not taking good, thoughtful care of myself. I am eating late at night,  stress-eating a good deal, and I'm also comforting myself with a good deal of carbohydrates, specifically sugar and bread (which is also sugar). The protein I've been eating lately is mostly processed, because I'm just bored to death by beans. Mind you, none of this is vegetarianism's fault. It's mine. And dairy, don't get me started. Dairy is the worst. It makes me bloated, I think it may be worse for the animals by prolonging their lives rather than just offing them. Not to mention it's just... not very healthy. 

With all honesty, not only did I never plan on eating meat again, I was oddly also finding ways of rationalizing eating meat again. This is what it looks like to me:

RATIONALIZING MEAT CONSUMPTION
1. Don't eat it
2. Don't eat it
3. Don't eat it
4. Don't eat it 
5. Don't eat it 
6. Don't eat it
7. Don't eat it
8. Don't eat it
9. Don't eat it
10. Eat responsibly -- local, fresh, grass-fed, organic
11.  Eat when craving
12. No more than once per day
13. Portion control!

 Hmmm.

BACK TO DINNER

Hubs (a former vegetarian himself) saw me staring. Without even thinking, I said, "I want some of that." He smiled and then grew serious. "I want that. Can I try that? That looks so good. I shouldn't. Ohmygod that looks so BEAUTIFUL." I even told the waiter, "I haven't eaten meat in almost two years and that just looks.... Perfection."

I went back to my vegetable risotto and then just caved. "Can I please try a bite?" The husband obliged. "I'll give you the perfect bite."


Let me tell you, it was heaven. I didn't think of the poor cow, like I know I should have. I wasn't thinking about anything but how amazing it tasted. It was a on-the-dot medium rare and completely flavorful, absolutely perfect.


                            * * * 

Labels are unfair. I'm over labels. Last winter a friend of mine and her husband decided to go Gluten-Free Vegan. When they visited a month or so later, Eric offered them gluten free muffins, and I hollered, "THEY'RE NOT VEGAN!" and later she said, "You know, everything was fine with that diet, until I started defining myself 'vegan gluten free.' The second I say it, it all goes out the window."

I have defined myself as a "vegetarian" for a while now. It feels so fucking relieving to say that I'm going to let it go, at least for now. Right now I need to focus on being happy and being healthy, and I know that no one is going to judge me for deciding that I want to feel good. Maybe this little bite of steak will be my last. Maybe it won't. 
I'm not deciding right now. All I know is that I am very unhappy, and I'm going to see if changing my diet around will help fix that.

See, I've been struggling with the idea of being defined as a something. I don't like the finiteness of being a vegetarian or a vegan because unless you're on the west coast, or in a metropolitan area, it's hard. Like, it's HARD. I don't have a community of people that eat like I do. There are no restaurants in a 50 mile radius that specifically cater to my vegetarian needs (though admittedly, a few do quite nicely). I live in an area where winter is long, and staying a vegetarian in those months means a lot of beans. So many beans. And then I get angry. It's not beans' fault. Most of the time if I say I'm a vegetarian, people wonder if I eat fish. It's all so confusing. 

I'm sorry to be letting down any of my friends that are vegans or vegetarians. I think that if you can do it, and it makes you happy, and it doesn't stress you out, then go for it! But for me it's good-bye, definitions. If I think I need to eat something I'm going to eat it. I'm going to make it an absolute point that I consider where that food comes from, how my eating it may affect my environment, and if I really need to consume it, but I'm done with defining myself and not even feeling the martyr, but just miserable.

I don't want to say that I'm eating meat again. But I do want to go back to where I had a lot of energy and was feeling good about myself. I don't want to label myself or my eating habits any more than I want to display my dress size. I'm not planning on eating whole cows in the future but honestly, the relief of saying, "It's okay to do what your body wants, as long as you feel good about it"-- amazing.

We should all be doing what feels best for us. Happiness is key. Feeling undernourished for the planet's sake just is not cutting it right now (I still want to cage the food monster! I want to help myself and others be healthy!). For me, I don't even think eating meat as much as  dropping the label is important here. Perhaps I am destined to be a vegan, but for the present moment I need to start from scratch. Right now my Health-and-Happiness Toolbox is empty (which is so sad to me because I did so well in the past), and I'm willing to use whatever means I can to get those tools back.  I'm hope it means I find more ways to be animal free, to be conscious and aware. Who knows? It may launch me into full-fledged vegan gluten free... I just won't tell anybody.

Going to Walmart is a surefire way to upset myself.

I seldom look at nutrition labels, because I avoid processed foods with the exception of grains, dried fruits, etc.; and I wish I could tell everyone in America, 

Stop looking at the nutrition facts. That tells you nothing. Look at the ingredients. 

because you can eat something that appears to have a good nutrient profile, for example, has low fat and low calories but has a lot of fiber or protein-- that has very little in terms of long-term sustainability. And I'm not talking Going Green, I'm talking about sustaining your body with nutrient rich, close-to-whole foods.

Case in point: Quaker has a type of instant oatmeal called Weight Control oatmeal. 

 

The label I looked at in Wally World told me that the Maple and Brown Sugar Weight Control Packet of Instant Oatmeal, which has a fine nutrient profile-- 2 grams of fat and 150 calories for a solid 6 grams of fiber and 6 grams of protein-- has NINETEEN INGREDIENTS. Nine. Teen. It did not, like this fancy French Canadian one, differentiate between the ingredients and the vitamins and minerals --which I'm assuming are added or they wouldn't be in the ingredient list-- and it would be twenty ingredients if we counted "Natural and Artificial Flavorings" as two separate ingredients (what the hell is up with that, anyway? Why don't they tell us what they are?!). So there you go. This is why I say, get up a little earlier and microwave your own plain oats, add your flaxseed, and whatever the hell else you want. Eat food as minimally processed as you can. IT WILL NOURISH YOU THIS WAY.

I don't know why I needed to save $1.40 so badly but I had bought the La Choy brand of soy sauce without checking the label. I guess since it has a Chinese character on the bottle I figured it was REAL FUCKING SOY SAUCE. Do you know what it is, ladies and gentlemen? Do you know what is in La Choy All Purpose Soy Sauce? 


Here is what is in La Choy All Purpose Soy Sauce:

Water
Salt
Hydrolyzed Soy Protein
Corn Syrup
Caramel Color
Potassium Sorbate (preservative)




Hmm. Do you see "fermented soybeans" or even the word "soybean"? The worst part is, some of us are so far removed from food that isn't from McDonald's to know that soy sauce is made with SOYBEANS. But that's what I get for buying something without looking at the label.


Now, I want to elaborate a little on my first statement.

1. I seldom look at labels, because I avoid processed foods with the exception of grains, dried fruits, etc., and also because I have the knowledge that whole foods and minimally processed foods are the foods that my body needs. One of the things that is important to learn when you're losing weight, when you're aiming to maintain a healthy diet, is to understand what your body needs when it needs it. That's why cabbage soup is surprisingly satisfying after a plateful of cookies, or why after eating like crap for a few days we start to crave fresh green salads with loads of veggies.


2. I wish I could tell everyone in America, 

Stop looking at the nutrition facts. That tells you nothing. Look at the ingredients.


We're so utterly, unfairly deceived by the food industry, and the sooner we wake up and realize that they are poisoning not just our bodies, but our minds, the better. I've been noticing that when I eat foods made with flour, I feel sluggish, sometimes constipated, and definitely bloated. Doesn't matter if it's whole grain, organic, all-natural, homemade, it makes me feel shitty. So! With the exception of a (few) bite(s) of the mini rhubarb pie (a homemade rhubarb pie filling in a ramekin with a crunchy crumbly oat/flour topping MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM), I'm currently about 4 or 5 days of gluten-free. I feel really good. Every time I go off gluten, I feel really good. I don't know if it's the fact that I'm actively avoiding something but I do feel better. 

SIDE NOTE: honestly, I think a really good tactic for dieting and maintaining a healthy diet to pick one or two things to avoid at all costs.  This was one of the reasons, in fact, I decided to give up all meat and eat dairy very occasionally. When you're constantly aware of not consuming something, you're aware of yourself (especially in terms of how you feel), and if you're constantly congratulating yourself on your success, it will promote a positive attitude and make it easier to make even more better choices.

And then it all cycles back. And when I do eat breads, pastas, etc., I feel crappy (PUN INTENDED!) both physically and mentally. I know it's not good for me but it's so delicious. Not to mention: it's everywhere.


I need to do more research on gluten and flour. Gluten is actually the protein in flour, and when it is cooked, the gluten is released. According to wikipedia, the amount of gluten that is considered harmless is "uncertain and controversial". Wow, sounds like a documentary in the works here, folks! 

I was telling one of my employees about how I'm going without flour and she said, God bless her, "Flour isn't bad for you........ right?" and God bless me, I didn't have an answer.

 

(not the best video ever, but she goes through a lot)

(also this picture is hilarious and I died laughing when it finally came onscreen)

Flour is not only in so many things, it's a product that (in almost all cases) has been completely stripped of nutrients. We all know this, or we should all know this. In fact it's so stripped and devoid of nutrients that in order to use it in foods or sell it, the government mandates that wheat flour be enriched with vitamins and minerals.... Just to make it REAL FOOD. 

I know I talk a lot about processed foods, but I think it's the most important thing to be aware of, hence my fuck-the-nutrition-label attitude. The ingredients are the things that are actually, and quite literally, poisoning us, not, per se, how much fat is in it. Look at my soy sauce that I have to use dead dinosaurs just to return to Hell's Handbasket, Wally World. This soy sauce not only does not contain soy, but it contains corn syrup. Why is corn syrup in something salty? You want to know why? In order for us to remain addicted to something, we must keep consuming it! (Take a look at this good versus evil..) UGGH.

I must say, though, that I'm thankful for people suffering from Celiac's. I'm not happy that they are, but I'm sure that not only most of the people who have Celiac's or a gluten sensitivity are making positive changes and learning about why their ass is exploding because of something so innocent and delicious-- flour-- and that is a powerful, powerful thing. Sometimes it's hard to tell whether a company is looking out for Celiac sufferers by labeling things as "gluten free" or simply trying to attain more customers because they know that so many consumers think that a gluten free lifestyle is healthy (and if you're making your own foods and watching how many fatty nut flours you're consuming, they're probably right). Take the brown sugar in my cupboard, labeled as "gluten free". Many products may come in contact with flour, dancing down conveyor belts, for example, while being processed. Now, a layperson might not know that, but still. 

Something that makes me feel better: we've already begun learning the language of health, we just need to learn how to use it to our advantage and keep peeling the layers off of the deceptions the food industry and the USDA (just looking at the homepage of SweetSurprise.com makes me want to DESTROY SOMETHING, SOMETHING THAT WILL SHATTER). We know about vitamins and antioxidants, but we need to learn that we shouldn't get them from crystal light packets (or the thing that made me tremble with anger--- the huge display of mini bottled energy shots that are clearly far from anything real that touted "antioxidants, vitamins, natural" on the label). 

Guess what, America? Our government, the faction that thinks we should all have guns, the one that thinks it's okay for us to take awful pharmaceuticals and doesn't force its doctors to learn about nutrition, IS MAKING US FAT. It isn't that we don't exercise (almost everyone is shocked to learn that my weight loss was mostly because of my eating habits, and I'm sure that how hardcore healthy I went --whole foods, clean foods-- helped it go even faster.) It's that the food we eat strips our bodies of nutrients, so that we're addicted to foods that don't give us the right kind of energy, and they tell us it's our fault because we don't exercise. Don't give in. Read the ingredients, know what you're buying. Make an effort to stop eating processed foods. I promise you, eating clean becomes a passion once you start feeling its effects. It will make you start to think of the world around you, and that, my friends, is a truly powerful thing.

So start cleaning out your pantry of high fructose corn syrup, yeast extracts (MSG), anything hydrolyzed, refined sugars, white flours, packages with unrecognizable ingredients. Yes, these are technically food ingredients that occur in nature to some degree. (I can hear people saying, "They exist, after all- it's in my hand!") But the sooner we all stop consuming these ingredients, the sooner we'll all feel better, and the sooner the food industry and the USDA and the FDA will see that they can't keep us in the dark about why we need so many medications, why we're dying young. Let's start saving ourselves-- we seem to forget we're the only ones who can.

VEGAN CHICKEN FRIED STEAK WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT

Look at this beauty! !!!!!

Seitan is a fake meat made with vital wheat gluten, which is the high-protein component of flour that is often added to breads to make them heartier. If you don't have a gluten intolerance or sensitivity, then lucky you-- this stuff is so simple to make and has a great meaty texture.


My recipe is almost exactly the one from theppk.com, the website/blog of vegan chef Isa Chandra Moskowitz, who is a great influence on many veg cooks. 

Knowing how to make seitan is a skill indeed. One should never buy anything when it's this easy!:
Homemade seitan

I always use this particular recipe and I usually let it cool for at least 4 hours before using it. It's never a bad idea to make up a batch and keep it in the fridge and pull it out to slice it, pan fry in a little olive oil, and toss with bbq sauce. Simple, delicious, and low-fat protein. Can you say guilt free?!! My biggest secret: leave your vwg in the fridge (the package usually indicates such, but we don't always listen to packages, so.....). Also, I wrote it, but remember to put the dry ingredients in the freezer while you assemble the wet, and put those in the fridge while you allow ample time for the seitan pieces to rest so the gluten can relax. And for the love of Buddha, don't boil your water.

*      *      *

Make Isa's mushroom gravy, (depending on how much gravy you'd like you might think about halving this recipe) which won't take long at all. I would recommend skipping the flour -I find it's too lumpy-- substitute it for 3 tablespoons cornstarch (arrowroot would probably work here too). You could make this while you make your seitan, easily, but just let the seitan cool for a bit before frying.

*      *      * 

You can make mashed potatoes or whatever you want. I always have brown rice handy so that's what I used. If rice gives you trouble, stop sobbing. Measure out your rice and water, add a little bit of olive oil, and a little salt if desired, and place on a medium to low boil. Stir whenever you want, as I said before. No one can stop you from stirring. (I think the rice companies and the pot companies are in cahoots...) When the water is three-quarters absorbed and the precious little grains are suspended in the water, turn off the flame and let it be. The rice will suck up the water and it should be perfectly cooked. If there is still some liquid you can put it back on a low flame and finish cooking, but this method almost always works. Amen.


No-brainer breading and frying your:  VEGAN CHICKEN-FRIED STEAK


Uh, I think you can figure out how to add the gravy and side dishes to your seitan steak. Revel in using a steak knife again! MMMMMMMM

but DON'T FORGET YER VEGGIES!! cheers!

PLAIN OL GRANOLA TIME!

I want to call this George Michael Granola because you gotta have FAITH! that it will turn out. I was a granola virgin and I was upset because I wanted plain ol' granola and every recipe online is the fruity nutty one (though those might be more appropriately named "George Michael Granola"...).

Bob's Red Mill is was my favorite. It's low-fat, not too sweet, and I could mix in whatever I want. Plus I like to snack on dry granola when I need to veg out, and sometimes I don't want all the extra delicious nutty fats.

You see, I'm one of those Do It Yourself-ers, and I think that when you're trying to maintain a balanced diet, fixing your own meals is not only the perfect way to know exactly what you're putting into your body, but by preparing your own nourishing meals, you're giving yourself attention that is probably much needed. That's one of the reasons I get upset (like I said, I HAVE PROBLEMS) with stuff like V8 Fruit Fusion or Instant Oatmeal with Flaxseed and Raisins. Of course, there are much worse ways to spend your breakfast calories, and oatmeal with flaxseed and raisins is a great breakfast. But why not wake up a few minutes earlier and prepare it yourself? I personally enjoy the ritual of adding seed and nuts and raisins and cinnamon and WHATEVER to my oatmeal / granola. But I digress! Not everyone is me, I must remind myself, and aren't we alllllllllllllllllllllll lucky that's the case!

MARJA'S PLAIN OL' GRANOLA

Preheat the oven to 300 degrees.

In bottom of medium to large bowl, whisk together 1/4 c. vegetable oil, 1/4 c. maple syrup and 1/4 c. honey (you could probably do all syrup or all honey, or sub the honey for brown sugar or try agave or whatever). I added a few pinches of cinnamon and a teaspoon of vanilla extract but that's up to you. I think next time I'll omit both and see how it is. I LIKE IT PLAIN, BABY!

Add 3 cups of old fashioned --not quick-cooking-- oats (you could definitely try adding more-- just make sure that they're all pretty well coated. This recipe turned out almost like candied granola... talk about a yuppie treat!). I used a salad fork to mix it all up. Put mixture on two baking sheets, spreading oats out so they bake evenly.

Bake, stirring 2-3 times, for 25-35 minutes or until all is golden brown. "But wait, Marja," you say, "the oats are all soft! I thought we were making granola!" We are, my child, for you must let them cool for 15 minutes and then scrape them from the pan. Voila! You will immediately need to eat granola and you will have it. Bob's Red Mill will no longer get my granola money! In fact, no one will get my granola money! 

I WILL KEEP MY GRANOLA MONEY

print this plain ol' granola

For a big batch (7 cups) of less crispy and less sweet, and therefore probably more healthy, granola, I make it like this:


Preheat oven to 300 degrees. Bake for 30 minutes.


1/2 c vegetable oil
1/2 c maple syrup
1/4 c honey
1/4 c brown sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/4 t ground cinnamon


I whisked these in a metal bowl and set it right on the flame to melt the brown sugar. You can do it in a saucepan (or skip it entirely) if you don't feel like melting your plastic mixing bowls....

Using a spatula, toss 7 cups old fashioned oats into the syrup mixture. Turn, turn, and turn, taking care to coat each special little oat. 


These go on 4 baking sheets, and my oven is a little unbalanced (aren't we all?), so I set the timer for 15 minutes, rotating each pan (two on top, two on bottom) and stirring the oats. For the second round of 15 minutes (for a total of 30 mins), I took switched the top and bottom pans, stirring as needed.


The granola will be relatively crispy and will taste like normal granola but it will be much cheaper.